More Than You Thought

By Steve Carr

I’ve always felt kind of bad for December. Don’t get me wrong, I like December. I think December has a lot going for it. I guess that’s my point. Despite all that December has to offer, we (well, most of us) only think of one thing when December comes up: the holidays. Let’s face it, December has more than its share of big holidays. There’s Hanukkah, Christmas, New Year’s Eve, and of course, Boxing Day on the 26th. That’s a lot of eggnog. So much, in fact, that the month’s other attributes are scarcely noticed.  While stewing about this, I thought of a kid named Ronald, whom I knew in sixth grade. Ronald had the coolest glass eye. You couldn’t even tell it wasn’t real, except it didn’t move when he looked at something. Once in a while during recess, we’d get him to pop it out. Boy, how we loved that. It was even bigger than the largest cat’s-eyes we used as shooters in our marble games.

I mean, how many kids got to have a classmate with a glass eye? Yet we hardly knew him. I kind of remember that Ronald was good at math and I’ve never forgotten about a shirt he wore that was neater than any other shirt in all of Longfellow Elementary. I would’ve loved a shirt like his. Ronald was known only for being the guy with the cool glass eye. It’s the same thing for December.

If December were to share some of the holidays, would we get to know it better? (March could really use something, anyway.) Might we become more friendly with our kitchen appliances?  I bet you didn’t know that National Microwave Oven Day is December 6. It shares that same day with National Gazpacho Day, a fact I find deliciously ironic. Maybe we should try hot gazpacho? How does one know until you try? December 8 has the potential to be a popular day.  The 8th is the official Pretend to Be a Time Traveler Day. Think of the possibilities, all of which sound more fun than a gift of another Christmas tie. Just to be clear, I don’t see this as an either/or proposition. I support Christmas, but why not enhance my life by giving a little love to the obscure time travel fantasy observance?

Although I noticed (and still remember fifty years later) Ronald’s nifty shirt, I never asked him about it. We just weren’t that close. Given his impeccable taste in menswear, he obviously saw really well with his less glamorous working eye—more clearly, I suspect, than the rest of us with our two taken-for-granted eyes. Chances are he would have shared his more dapper understanding had I gotten to know him. Maybe then I’d have known exactly what to ask for on my Christmas wish list. Maybe I could have shared with Ronald my own favorite fashion ensemble of knee-high, two-stripe tube socks and Keds. I’ll never know.

Anyway, in order to make a little extra Christmas cash this year, I’ve decided to sell T-shirts to support awareness for the rest of December. (How’s that for more irony?) I’ve designed it to include a shy gazpacho bean as a time traveler in Victorian dress with the letters De-MYTh stenciled underneath. I think it’s going to be a big seller.

December, More Than You Thought